We are born helpless. We lean on parents for comfort and protection. When adults, we form our own relationships. Mother, father, brother, sister, grandfather, grandmother, friend, coworker. Relationship. This connection which makes us gravitate towards each other.
There is no end to it. That is why we must build with character, learn to accept one another, open our hearts and minds to our differences. Different childhoods. Different cultures. Different traditions. Different points of view. It is all enriching us and expanding our understanding of life if we allow it to teach us to be better human beings.
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Love is not something you force, design to your whim, or manipulate; for the mind, the ego, seeks this. Love is something which cannot be explained, something which unites people, something which does not seek to judge or control.
To love is not to judge, it is to accept somebody else as they are; so, you either walk away or you stay with them, but if you stay you accept them and nurture their growth alongside you.
Trying to “fix” people, trying to force them into doing what you think is right, trying to influence the outcome of any relationship is a political move, it is competition, it is to seek control–and it is NOT love.
That is why a human relationship, ANY human relationship actually, is a “leap of faith” as they say. You get into a relationship with the best desires to progress together, with your lover, with your family, with your friends, with whomever.
But you do not know what is going to happen next, because love for us is something we build each moment, with each decision, with each behavior. Something bothers you now about the other person, you must accept it then; we all have flaws.
Something appears to be hurtful to you, you must communicate your feelings and explain it; be direct, honest, but do not try to force people. You either show care and love each moment, or you opt for walking away and doing exactly what you want; however, you do not try to control or judge if you stay.
Understanding cannot happen in any relationship until the “need” for winning and controlling, for trying to change someone and criticizing that same someone, is gone from your mind. The ego in ourselves always wants to control, show off, intimidate, and compete; however, this is exactly what destroys a relationship, so a relationship has to be born out of pure love if it is to truly work.
That pure love has nothing to do with your ego, because love is not a concept your mind creates, or a certain way things should be, or your desire to control and design your personal view of the perfect relationship. Pure love is understanding, and understanding goes beyond intellect; therefore, understanding is of the brave and truly intelligent, because understanding takes seeing past your anger and pride, past your desires and ambitions, and to understand is to be truly patient and respectful of someone else.
Each one of us is different, molded by different experiences which give us different views on life; but, that is why to mature is to step out of your own ego and see the experience of another, so you can understand and accept another, and so love can be allowed to be born in your human experience.
Whatever we do not tolerate, or find truly annoying or disruptive in others, is a mirror to ourselves, it speaks to our higher conscience, it tells us that we must adapt, tolerate, or just walk away. A mirror to ourselves is a reflection of something WE have to change within ourselves, something that we see in others and annoys us (annoys our ego); but, of course, the ego, which is always seeking to blame others and seeking to feel comfortable itself, as a measure of security, conditioning, will tell us that we must not change but that others must change to fit our own lifestyle or own daily living.
Your mind, your ego, is the one which finds faults in others, and which feels frustration, and which feels anxiety and all anger, is it not…?? You are in charge of your ego, are you not…?? So, change! Take responsibility for what you think, for how you feel. Your mind expands with understanding, and in understanding and accepting others you are understanding and accepting yourself. Can you see this yourself…?? “We are one” is not just some spiritual or New Age philosophical saying or romantic phrase that’s popular. Have you ever thought about it in deep…?? I know you have heard about “we are one.” So what does it mean then…??
How did Osho, or Jesus, or Buddha, or any Enlightened Master talked to a group and yet the message felt as if directed to each individual…?? They only knew themselves, they didn’t know you; and yet they knew you and all of society from all ages. How…?? With observance of others, with tolerance and appreciation of others’ flaws and strengths, the conscience becomes illumined, the ego is thrown off its throne, you become patient and realize that in others you see your own thoughts, your own feelings, your own soul. If you truly observe the behavior of others without ego, without the voices in your head which complain and bring anger when something irritates you, you will realize what I am saying here, you will come to a deeper understanding than any intellectual one can give you.
I am talking about an emotional understanding which is not guided and ruled by your ego. I am talking about an emotional mirror where you can actually see your own faults and the changes you must make within yourself when you truly observe others. Your ego fights, argues, gets irritated, blames others, and so it depresses you; and if you step out of your ego then a deeper understanding of yourself will light your conscience–i.e., an awakening of conscience.
Relationship is our human lives. Relationship is all there is, with ourselves and with others. Relationship with others is a perfect reflection of the inner relationship we have with ourselves; thus, when you hate or get irritated in relationship with others is because there is something nagging you inside, your own ego disrupting your peace of mind–which you must realize within yourself and change yourself. This brings you a deep understanding of you and everybody else. This brings you an awakening of conscience.
Life is you, and you are life. There is no other experience to you but yours, and that is how you live the best life–by following your own experience. Sadly, there are people out there who live guided by the experience of others instead of by their own; and so, religion is born, politics is maintained by the ignorant rabble, and wars on nations are thriving due to idiots who follow their unwise masters. And all this happening in the world is relationship, atrocious and misguided relationships with society; such stupidity going back and forth, seeking a “solution,” seeking “truth,” reaching for “justice” in the very depths of hell, so no one has a good relationship with oneself. If you have a good, honest, truthful, loving relationship with yourself then you have all the love, understanding and happiness you need–i.e., you have found God and the eternal, you have found paradise and all source of strength. Have you found all this in you yet…?? (Be honest with yourself).
If you have a good and loving relationship with yourself you do not need religion, and you do not need to sustain and argue about politics, and you do not need to support any wars, and you do not live eating meats and fats, and you do not live pleasing your family, and the rest of the nonsense people do. So, I ask you again, have you found true love within yourself yet…?? Do you really have a good and honest relationship with yourself…??
Relationship then is being human. Why…?? Because being human, the reality of it, is behavior, not a thought or a feeling or an intention. Only through relationship, through behavior you live experiences and know yourself; this is life, ongoing adventure, exploration, progress, shaping your character, learning how to treat yourself and others. But if you are just living without learning, without actually improving and observing your own behaviors towards yourself and others, then what is the point…?? Just living without learning, without becoming better and progressing in character in relationship, is poverty, human poverty, poverty of mind, poverty of character (a weak woman, a weaker man); thus, the mirror is cracked and you only see yourself distorted, ugly and ignorant in the relationships you have in life–in your job, in your family, with your husband, with your wife, with your kids, with yourself, without love, without deeper understanding of what you go through, suffering over and over again and feeling depressed each time.
Look around you, whatever or whoever is nagging you, whatever or whoever is stressing you or making you suffer in any way, is the relationship you have with life and with people; and you have no one to blame but yourself, even though your ego will find excuses and put guilt on others. You project into the world, into your situations, into people, what you are and how you treat yourself; for all life is, indeed, is a relationship–i.e., your divinity is in relationship with your humanity, and your humanity with the world you experience with your physical eyes… So, focus on yourself and the most important relationship, and the rest will mirror it perfectly…
You try to change her. She tries to change you. Both resist each other, both are stubborn to love or both lack the greater understanding of love. Resistance in the mind, in life in general, means there is fear, there is no acceptance, there is no understanding; furthermore, no relationship can really become strong, as One, as it should under the power of true love, if you cannot allow differences to enrich your very experience. Differences give you tolerance, wisdom, a different perspective in life, and freedom from your own ego.
And if you cannot allow differences to enrich your experience, and thus make you wiser, vaster in knowledge, greater in understanding, more accepting, more loving, is because you let fear and its impositions build your “relationships” and not love. Love is about freedom, which is freedom to be oneself; see, love only emanates love, it does not expect anything in return, because love is a concentrated force which is happy giving more and more. Why try to change others…?? Why not practicing a deeper capacity for love which focuses on just the process of evolving this same love…??
The individual tries to change the world because he does not like it, because he pays more attention to the pain and suffering in the world he sees out there. Everybody thinks like this. Each person tries to change others. But the illusion is in believing there is a world out there which is not you. So there is never a change. But the world is really inside you, so you change yourself. Do not ignorantly chase the reflection you see out there and try to change it, because the reflection changes once you truly change yourself–you are the origin of the reflection.
And this is the biggest relationship trouble, obstacle to happiness; everybody points a finger, every idiot believes there is an inferior person or an inferior world out there that they must change. But, the opposite is true, in changing yourself you invite true love into your heart, and this love then grows in you and brings acceptance, truth, wisdom. And as I personally know, this acceptance is what creates divine and wonderful relationships where you truly see the face of God as you evolve into a better human being.
“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” ~ George Orwell; English novelist, essayist, journalist, and critic.
Life is transformation, evolution, deeper unity, building relationships, the mystery to find Oneness, isn’t it…?? The vital and divine energy which gives your life its origin starts building the human experience in the womb of a woman and it continues until you physically leave your body. Most people call it sexual energy only when they relate it to the act of sex itself, and these are the concepts and ideas society has conditioned into you; but, however, the very act of divine life, of beautiful Creation, is divine sex as the sacred experience, and it is only your conditioned brain/your ego the one which sees sex as the physical act. But in order to love as One, the divine reason to build a relationship and a life together, a greater experience of divinity, we must understand the deeper and truly sacred meaning of sex:
The greater experience I am talking about brings a greater stability and energy to man and woman, to the household, to the relationship in general. Most of us may call it ‘a spiritual level’, although this is not a conceptualized sex but an experience of intimacy beyond flesh and thought. There is stability and no change here, but deep harmony and peace, and the greater sense of connection; because what brings passions, lust, and all the rest of the disruptions to connect at the deepest level is the identification and excitement with the flesh. Because this sexual experience is about greater connection and not the simple desire.
Do you realize that the unmatched and extremely strong love of a mother for her child is part of the true spiritual sex experience…?? Sex is the vital essence of life here, the deeper connection of the strongest bond uniting this two souls. But how is this possible…?? Think about it: A man and a woman who love each other meet for a moment and attain bliss, become one for that swift moment of true intimacy–if true connection is reached, they have experienced Oneness for that moment.
But doesn’t the child remain in the mother’s womb for nine months…?? The child breathes the mother’s air. The child’s heart throbs through the mother’s heart. Isn’t that experience in the womb true intimacy, true Oneness…?? During the nine months, the child is One with the mother. Oneness for nine months. A perfect bond no one can deny. So, the man and woman meet in Oneness for a brief moment; but the child and mother for nine months. Meditate on this…
This is why the intimacy, the strong bond the mother has with the child cannot ever be compared with the one she has with her man or husband. This is why no woman in love only approaches sex as just sex, but as the deeper intimacy of her own consciousness which seeks Oneness. And this is also why deep inside, subconsciously in most cases, no woman is fully content without becoming a mother, without that intimate bond of Oneness as dive and beautiful experience.
Of course, there are many more implications in this. But I just wanted to make you see the greater meaning and bond sex as the life energy may bring into the human experience…
“It is not sex per se, but your identification, your obsession, with the body is your impediment to spiritual growth.” ~ Sadhguru; Indian yogi and mystic.
“If you want the moon, do not hide at night. If you want a rose, do not run from the thorns. If you want love, do not hide from yourself. ” ~ Rumi.
To love oneself, the elevation of oneself, the true knowledge of oneself, must be the purpose of our individual existence; because if one does not truly and absolutely love oneself, then one cannot truly love another being. And it is not enough to say in your mind “I love myself,” but it is in the small things of our daily living where we must show ourselves love–i.e., in the way we eat, in the types of food we ingest, in the thoughts we entertain in our minds, in cleaning our place, in cooking for ourselves, in exercising, in the things we read, etc. etc.
So everything starts in this love for ourselves. If you cannot accept and love yourself, everything and anything you do in life is superficial. Without self-love, you are forced to fall in the trap of seeking love and happiness outside of yourself–i.e., in relationships, in situations, in jobs, in travels, in cultures, in religions, etc.. This seeking is the form of false “love” the ego has created in you, this fake “love” is attachment.
“Changed“
As the darkness settled I felt empty, A void and an abyss deep within me. The people who were lost were plenty, A vast wilderness where I could not be.
The hidden loathing was for the many lies, Which I told to myself every waking day. And I would not listen to the loud cries, Ill by the pleasures of my body’s decay.
But as I saw I became one with the light, For before true love I knew estranged; The darkness in me had been my sight, The emptiness within had now Changed.
“You cannot believe in God until you believe in yourself.” ~ Swami Vivekananda; Indian Hindu monk, a chief disciple of the 19th-century Indian mystic Ramakrishna.
“Be. Don’t try to become.” ~ Osho.
Men, more than women in this aspect, have to look deep within themselves and get more in touch with their emotional bodies, feel more by looking into the silence of their own beings; and also, like women, stop dwelling in the fear of rejection and judgement from the ignorance in the world of form and deceit. Many things drive superficial man, but fewer things drive the inner man; because the innermost recesses of the soul need no drive, they just are… and it is there that man comes into being, thus the realization of the superior man.
Awakening is the inner realization that you are already all that you need, that you are already all that is, that you are connected to all; so necessity for anything above you is the delusion of the unawakened one, who is always searching for something better out there, always seeking for love and happiness desperately.
The connection to the heart is what this man of the world lacks, and when he thinks he follows his heart he is just following his own ego masked as the pure heart; so he fears the opinions and judgement coming from other men, even lesser men. He is lost in the world, and he becomes violent by losing himself and his true purpose.
There must be then an internal revolution honoring the wisdom in man, honoring the real strength of the light in man; so he can be the example, who does not shy away from being connected to his priorities and his inner wisdom, who does not listen to the superficial masses of people who claim to know what a man is.
He is now a light unto himself and unto others, and he is understanding and patient, and he is wise and a protector because he knows what love truly is and he dares not deny it.
He is his own master and god, and he denies not what he is to the ignorant world.
“A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.” ~ George Jean Nathan; American drama critic and magazine editor.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.” ~ Helen Keller; American author, political activist, and lecturer. She was the first deaf-blind person to earn a bachelor of arts degree.
We may agree that human love and the many ways we have to share this love between two people romantically involved is complex, and even deeply trying at times; but it is also an important part of our society, because it is certainly deep connection that which drives that society onwards. And so men and women have their differences, of course, and thus their individual roles in a fruitful relationship; however, they both should aid each other in remaining receptive to love, they must find then ways to see beyond their differences and rule over their individual egos, for the ego is always the one who endangers true love by covering the truth about one another, that we are one and the same beyond our prejudice and known physical roles.
Fears may come up and burden a relationship, struggles, moods, heavy commitments, chaos even; but, nevertheless, the essence of true love, if there really exists one in the couple, is always there, through the changes designed by time and the worries space or any distance creates.
And it is one of the most important roles to protect that flame of love, or to care for it so it doesn’t become a victim of the prejudiced ego.
It is the responsibility and privilege of both man and woman to protect this flame from outside dangers, like other affections, financial roller coasters, the tyranny of aging, and the many struggles encountered in life; however, is man, by his given personality gender, who carries the strongest aspect of it, because as the main protector of the relationship there must be diligence and wisdom in all he says and does, he must then display this safety to the woman he loves so she feels she has a safe place where her emotions may develop further in the relationship. This does not mean, obviously, that only men should carry the brunt of this job, nor that women should wait for men to display this protection. The relationship, if it is to be effective and based on eternal love, must be equal parts; and must be also founded on self-love, for if each member does not have self-love then the relationship won’t last, because self-love expands love outwardly onto both.
Self-love is the only constant in a human being, so learn to embrace it before anything.
- Asa Rodriguez - 