Don’t cry for your dead. Don’t cry for your loss. Don’t cry for what was. Attachment to feelings of great loss are just insecurities brewing in the mind. These insecurities are baseless and originating from the fear of change–contempt for the new, addiction to the old.
Grief is nature’s answer from love. But holding on to this grief is the selfish answer from attachment. Constantly drowning in your sorrow is the choice that paralyzes you, and whoever drowns himself is doing it because he enjoys being paralyzed.
And who said that death, loss, hurt, is the end?? It is but a distorted idea, a crude concept, a piteous mirage of the unaware mind. It is designed by groups, by families who mourn, by a broken society of noise, by people without introspection.
Loneliness is poor quality of existence. Loneliness is when the mind falls in a state of fascination with the noise of the crowd. Loneliness is the disease born from the lack of friendship with yourself.
Quite often, we think we are being rational, true to ourselves, moral in our choices and behaviors even. The politicians we choose. The moralistic approach in relationships. How we judge what’s right and what’s wrong. Etc.
But, per science, 90% to 95% of what we choose and do, the way we see life and act, is highly unconscious; meaning we do according to our subconscious programming, just like robots or computers following their programming.
So, to truly think for ourselves and be rational, guided by intelligence and empathy, without bias and emotional outbursts, we have to truly know ourselves and study our thoughts and feelings without being so impulsive. Following your anger, your frustration, your self-pity, your indignation, is letting yourself be enslaved.
Life is about freedom, because that is what true love is. Mental freedom is the first and most important step. Freedom so you can think clearly and not easily fall into the influence of others. Freedom to truly be yourself and not fall into the game of thoughtless groups. And freedom to see life, yourself, and others in the purest nature.
Just because I say ‘I love you’ does not mean it so. Sometimes it means ‘I admire you’. Sometimes it means ‘You intrigue me’. Sometimes it just means ‘I feel a connection to you and I want to explore it.’
Love, true and pure love, is extremely rare now-a-days; and it’s a long process that, through time and through patience, inspires me, and inspires you. I must get to know you well first. You must break down your walls and your pretentions with me.
But what is beyond it..??
And it is in the psychological and emotional safety we feel, because this must be total freedom from anxiety, freedom from fear to ever fail ourselves. Forget “falling in love”. Forget “trying to make it work”.
Mature love is such: ‘A sacred process of exploration of my Self through you, and through your openness with me.’ ‘A process of exploration of your Self through me, and through my openess with you.’ Nothing more. Nothing less.
The truth is that true love is not shown in the gifts, in the grand gestures, in the poetic and passionate words. I have nothing against these popular displays of affection, but true love lies in the mindset, in the empathy, in the time and effort put into the simple things.
Giving your time, listening, trying to understand and feel what someone else feels, comforting someone in need, hugging and sharing uplifting words, guiding someone to see their own worth in difficult times for that person. This is what true love is.
In the simple things
So, if you put your time, your effort, your energy into the opposite, into the gifts and grand gestures, then you are really going the opposite direction of love.
You are creating excitement, passion, a burning desire; however, love is not there. Love lies only in the simple, heartfelt things; and that is every day, faithfully, and not just in the moments of passion when everyting seems perfect.
How do you know if the person by your side, or the one you are pursuing, is your true love?? How can you see beyond your own needs–whether phisical, emotional, psychological needs?? Ever asked yourself these questions…?? Very important. Analyze your situation carefully.
The right person does not play any mind games. Games belong to the player. The player follows established rules he makes to win, to satisfy himself. The player then, no matter the charm or intentions claimed, knows no love or true affection. Pay attention to the signs.
The right one inspires you
The right person inspires you to better yourself, not just give you a desire to be with him/her. The right person makes you see and accept your own worth, and it also helps you see your own flaws and accept them as well. The right person, in short, is your higher self, your best version, projected onto another.
I admit it, when it comes to gift-giving, birthdays, holidays, traditional celebrations, I always forget. Not because I don’t care, but because I do not focus on these superficial creations of society. Everybody does it, so everybody feels that these things are important.
Well, I respect that completely; however, I’m here to remind you that what really matters is being there for your family, for your loved ones, for yourself. Sometimes is easy to get caught up with celebrities and their vain lives of money and silly pomposity.
Quite often, even in magazines and TV, people hammer your brain telling you that these superficial things matter. But what really matters is the time you spend with people, not what you buy. And what really matters is the listening and the respect you show for the struggle of another, not the poetry or words of love you say.
Our self-talk. Love starts from our self-talk. Love is an essence of respect and inspiration toward yourself first. It is about the way you think and feel about yourself. It is about letting go from the hurt, from the failures from the mistakes; because you must feel good about yourself first.
How do you treat yourself…?? Do you tell yourself that you will do better?? Do you inspire yourself?? Do you allow yourself to leave the past hurt, humiliations, anger you carry?? Do you seek the simple, everyday things in your life to keep you motivated?? I ask myself all this in order to shift my attention to myself and to how I feel. If I have a rough or difficult day, I need to focus on myself and feel better/motivate myself.
The beauty of the heart/The beauty of true love
Once you are filled with this love for yourself, your heart then swells; and you feel inspired, strong, ready to love others. And this leads you to great, successful relationships in your life. Love is only true when it comes from a place of self-respect and abundant joy in you. This means that in order to truly love another, without neediness, without anxiety, you must be filled with this love yourself first. Not easy sometimes, but worth it %100.
Seek the beauty of the heart
And when you seek beauty in yourself and in others then, seek the essence of this love. Empathy, respect, joy in yourself and in others. All these traits speak about love. Whoever has these traits can give love, care, kindness, trust, loyalty. And when it comes to real relationships, we all desire to feel these; because these are pure and they speak of honor and truth. It is my true wish then that you find these in yourself first; thus it becomes easier to find it later in others.
I’ve been on the other side, which is the side of attachment and self-neglect. When I was looking to fit in and to be like the rest, seeking their approval, seeking to belong to a group of thinkers, believers, philosophers. We all seek this when there is no knowledge of self. We seek to belong and to feel part of others and of what others do, and this quite often becomes an obsession, a corruption as we become more like others and lose our uniqueness. Most of us fall into this, because we cannot be with ourselves. We might feel empty, not worthy by ourselves, like something is missing; therefore, we look to others and to think like them.
We really are different and unique, each one of us; however, by trying to be like others, by following a belief, a philosophy, a behavior which is not truly ours we become distanced from ourselves and from our uniqueness. The world is full of people who seek an identity outside themselves, in a crowd, in culture, in tradition, in religion, in politics. This brings them more emptiness and loneliness. Happiness is in discovering yourself, to stand on your own, to lead your own thinking and feeling, to create better behaviors based on your uniqueness. Trying to copy others dulls the mind, and it makes the emptiness, the frustration, the loneliness stronger in you.
There is nothing more important in life than to be and feel whole, to discover ourselves by taking care of ourselves. Don’t focus on others, on what philosophers say, on what religions say, on what groups of people (whoever these groups are) say. Life is about being happy, and to be truly happy one must learn to think for oneself. There is no normal. We are all different. Think for yourself and don’t seek to copy the “normal” offered by society, by your family, by politics and religion. Nothing will make you whole, able to feel successful and happy, unless it is your own unbiased thinking. Forge your own path. It works for me. It will do so for you as well.
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Why is it that love can be confused with desire and impulsive passions…?? Love is freedom, isn’t it?? When you fill your mind with excitement, with the urge to quench your desires and passions, with that impulsive search for self-satisfaction, you become blinded. Whether you see it as positive or negative, you become blinded and only understand what you want, which is your desire. This is not freedom.
My book, “I ALWAYS LOVED YOU. Creatures of Eternal Love,” centers on this. True love is about empathy, about feeling what the other feels, that it is not about the endless search for self-satisfaction. If it is to be true love, one must seek to grow in emotional intelligence, which my book also talks at length. We learn and grow together by putting our desires aside, becoming detached from them, and uniting with our loved one or loved ones to become one in goal.
The feminine force, women, life, connection. The obstacles of the intellect. Emotional intelligence. Why loneliness?? Success and opportunity. The dimensions of love. How to increase self-esteem?? – Get my non-fiction book, “I ALWAYS LOVED YOU – Creatures of eternal love.” On e-book and paperback. Coming soon on audio book. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B085JTQSPT/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0