Demon and angel.

As I went outside and screamed, I cursed the cloudy skies and this damned mask overwhelming me and my ideas, condemning my…

Demon and angel.
My demons overpowered me! I felt as if I were taken by this strange rage, almost inhuman, lust for greed and revenge, such an emotional state I had never experienced before. I felt lost, my hands trembled, my heart would try to escape my chest with extreme violence, my mind was a tornado of chaos and agitation where every logic had vanished and all freedom was reduced to a subtle and very weak voice…

Demon and angel.

I was not me! Who was I…?! And yet there was also an angel in me trying to soothe me, telling me something I couldn’t hear in the midst of the storm, and I felt this angel was part of who I was. My two masks. Fighting to be heard and possess me fully. Two halves of me trying to surface from the very depths of my consciousness… My two masks. Frustration, anger, lust, greed, hate, envy. My demons overpowered me! They seem to know my weaknesses, as my own ego wallows and grows, fed by them, nurtured by them. It happens when you ignore yourself for so long that you start to believe you are weak and chained to being this grotesque demon, this wretched soul…

Demon and angel.

As I went outside and screamed, I cursed the cloudy skies and this damned mask overwhelming me and my ideas, condemning my soul and sealing my fate. Who was I…?! And yet, this beautiful voice kept whispering between my angry and chaotic thoughts. I fell on my knees trembling and crying, exhausted and feeling my head ready to explode; too much thinking and questioning, too much stupid fighting and pointless hating. And the whisper came to me, and it brought a light I had never experienced before, and my conscience became aware of my own faults; for she was there, the angel in me calming the beast…

Demon and angel.

And then, illumination came, I realized that my two masks, the demon and the angel, were just inventions of my sheer ignorance, of my vain ego; and that in choosing one or the other I am not whole anymore and great suffering takes me hostage.. My two masks…

When you choose one or the other, you are negating one and welcoming the other; furthermore, it is your vain ego which chooses based on what it is expected, on what others have said, on a selfish desire. To be whole is to accept yourself as you are entirely, use all your energies to build the new, which is being an individual and creating yourself.