A personal note on the fear of death.

“Of course you don’t die.  Nobody dies.  Death doesn’t exist.  You only reach a new level of vision, a new realm of consciousness, a new unknown world.”  ~ Henry Miller; American writer.

I was talking to my mother about death and about how people fear getting old, which is because they get too attached to other people, relationships, ways of living, and material things–so it is not death itself that they fear but the loss of all the things and relationships of the flesh they have ignorantly made a possession here. Commenting the ignorance and the lack of true wisdom this is in most of the population of the world. Of course, she felt attacked by me, like always, and so started to defend her own lack of wisdom in this matter, because in her view, as in most weak-minded people’s views wisdom comes with old age and the decaying of the flesh.

     Whenever I talk to her about profound concerns or issues of life, she displays childish attitudes and an empty and superficial mind, like she does not really understand the reality of the ego in her and how it works in making her feel a false sense of pride in her illogical and incoherent thought processes and defensive words. She knows deep inside I expose the truth in what I say but still she tries to negate that her own son, which lived less experiences than her and that is just 35 years old, might know and understand more about the mind of man and about life itself than her.

     But the truth is, even though I can accept her how she is, her mind is filled with the poor and superficial knowledge she acquired in a church born out of the imagination of other small-minded men, and her experiences come from just existing in life and not from the study of life. She does not see this, or, better put, she does see it but she chooses to remain loyal to her ego; because, as most people stuck in lower consciousness, she does not truly understand the purpose of life but follows the herd. The purpose of life is to grow in knowledge of the truth behind all things, and the absolute truth behind all things is what elevates your mind into higher levels of consciousness and into the secrets of life itself.  Absolute truth and the conscious knowing of it is indeed true magic, such magic where life displays no fear in your mind and magic which gives you the higher purpose and courage to be the best you can be in all aspects of your unique life.

     My mother’s attitude is really pathetic and mediocre, but at the same time it really saddens me, and even breaks my heart and robs me from some joy in the relationship we share, because my own mother is as ignorant and small-minded as the next guy and the majority of the world. Tears fill my eyes because it should not be like that, but it should be like the saying goes: “Like father, like son.”

     Sometimes though I think, Why does she think so narrow and obtuse being my own mother…??  Why do we think so differently…??  Why is she so hardheaded and ignorant like most people, blind to even reason and logic in the most basic human concepts…??  Did I get all my thirst for higher knowledge, spiritual understanding, and curiosity of the profound thought and behavior/psychology of mankind only from my dead father…??

     It is really difficult for me to understand these mental differences between my mother and myself, because, even though we have different experiences and views in life, we share DNA and there is that important biological and mental connection strengthened throughout decades.

     Nevertheless, even though I am writing my thoughts about her here, I do not really judge her in my heart because I respect her as my mother, and also because a percentage of what I am today is due to her love and guidance; however, I have to admit it troubles me so to know that my own mother does not see growing spiritually and mentally as the most important thing in the world as I do, but she just lives life like anybody else and expects to always be right just because of her age and time on this earth.  Well, the truth behind the thing is, that life’s challenges do not bring wisdom and a higher perspective to the individual, but going through challenges and then taking the time and mental effort to stop yourself and your lifestyle’s rhythm to dissect with your heart in it the very details of that experience wakes the dormant wisdom already in you.  And in most people, like my own mother, that inner wisdom is still dormant throughout their whole lives, no matter what and how they live. 

     And this is exactly what aches inside of me, the very fact that she stands herself so high and mighty and rejects all higher reason, the very fact that she cares only about feeding her ego and not about the truth, and the very fact, I fear, that she will die in this lower human condition.  But, still, she shouldn’t die in this lower condition of human understanding like many others, because she is my mother and not some pitiful creature which cannot see the very tip of its own nose.  Although, of course, that does not seem to matter in these painful ocean waters we call life.  Life is what it is, and we must accept, for painful and disheartening as it might be, what we cannot change about it.

     But, like I said, what troubles me the most is to have to think of her spiritually and mentally at the same lower level of understanding and wisdom as the people I don’t even know around the world.  See, death is a part of life, and not the end of it.  It is but a lap on the racetrack that is life; because life in its essence is eternal, and it does not know fear and anxiety.  Life is not what you see in the mirror or around you, but it is the energy inside the atoms making what you physically see.  You cannot touch it or see it and yet you know it makes up everything and anything, your thoughts, your flesh.

     Spend this life gathering deep knowledge and understanding, and you will raise yourself above all fear and mediocrity.